Fang
by Alexander-luvs-Raven
Summary: Fang has become terminally goth or...satanistic. were really not sure yet...  P.s for future readers this story is 100% humor and is not meant to offend anyone.
1. Chapter 1

**Fangs diary**

Day 1:

My life is spiraling downward into a black pit of angst and pain. No one can possibly understand the pain I undergo each and every torturous day. The _flock_ is slowly and painfully devouring my soul and I'm left as just an empty shell of my former self. The only pleasure in my life if brought to me by my beautiful blades. They are all I need in this soul sucking would. They are the sole owners of the power to release me from my endless torment. My eyeliner ran down my face like black streams from Hell's gates as I cried myself to sleep yet again.

So...yesterday I was applying more eyeliner when Gazzy ran in and stole it and my favorite black lipstick. I felt my heart rip into tiny dead pieces of flesh as he made off with parts of my soul. I couldn't do anything but fall to the floor in tears. Then I cried harder realizing that my mascara was now running down my face. I pulled out one of my razors, entirely prepared to feel the sweet pain that would come once I tore through the flesh of my arm but Max stormed in and stole my razor as well. I rushed into the living room and screamed.

"You don't understand me! My very soul is being destroyed at the hands of you monsters!"

I then entered my room where I calmed myself by making sock puppets out of the squirrels outside my window. They kept me up for hours last night.

At midnight it was time for my daily ritual. The flock didn't understand my pain so in the night while Iggy and Gazzy lay fast asleep I would place leeches on them and collect their blood. You don't need to know what I use it for.

**Fangs diary**

Day 2:

The ritual passed without a flaw and Satan accepted the blood without any displeasure. I was pleased for only a few moments then the happiness faded.

Halfway through breakfast I felt an extra wave of angst as I remembered how Iggy called me a "ticking time bomb," just a few days ago. I briefly considered stabbing myself with the butter knife but Max was around.

I narrowed my eyes at her, the Witch (Max) was sitting across from me. I dropped the knife in my lap ignoring the tears spilling down my face.

Why didn't they understand me? I wish they would just leave me alone. Then that damned Angel spoke up.

"Maaaaaaax, Fang has a knife," Angel whined. I stood and rushed out of the kitchen, knife in hand but Max got the knife from me.

Fortunately, when the Witch grabbed the knife from my hand it sliced my palm open. I savored the delicious pain for only a moment before I rushed back into my room ignoring the Witch's astonishment.

In the safety of my room I examined my palm. Blood was gushing from the wound and a steady flow of pain remained as well. I enjoyed the distraction from my usual misery as I dripped the blood into a small vial. I hurried into my closet and shoved past my morbid clothing.

In the back wall of my closet was a hole I made myself. I placed the vial of my blood with the others and retreated. The rest of my day was spent moping around avoiding the Witch and hiding my "sock puppets" where she would find them.

**Fangs diary**

Day 3:

I didn't know my soul could be in so much pain. I felt like the Witch was senselessly burning my soul and dancing in the ashes. All I could think about was ending my pain and slitting my wrist just once...or twice...or maybe three times but thats all. Unfortunately, the Witch was stealing all of my sharp objects. She even stole my curtains. How am I supposed to suffocate myself without curtains? I could use my scarf I got in Paris but that is missing too. I ended up banging my head against the wall until that damned Angel told on me and the Witch came In and started hitting me. I kind of liked it so I let her. But then she realized and hugged me close. I squirmed but she was strong for a she-witch.

"There is no God!" I yelled. That was when she finally let me go. I fell to my knees and got a genius idea. I crawled to the closet, ignoring the Witch. I got rug burn by the way. It was so painful...and awesome. I grabbed one of my dozens of studded belts and grabbed the pointed part at the end. I scratched until I finally broke skin and started to bleed. It was so damn painful. I also made sure to fill a few vials with my blood and store it in my closet. Satan would be so pleased.

But that damned Witch was suspicious so she came barging in on me and my belt. She took all of my belts. All of them. I cried all day. Gazzy brought me food but I was too sad to eat. Max had once again taken my heart and thrown it into a shredder then fed the remains to wild dogs. I just needed to die. That way I could live with Satan happily. But then the Witch would win. I can't let that happen.

I spent the rest of the day hating my life and eating. After I ate what Gazzy brought me, I decided I would make peace with Max. I escaped through my window. Outside, I captured as many mice as I could find and I killed them(I saved their blood). I used their tails as string and their teeth as beads. I made Max a peace necklace and stuffed it under my pillow to give to her tomorrow at breakfast.


	2. Chapter 2

**Fangs diary**Day 4:

I woke up depressed as usual. I forgot to do my nightly ritual last night. Satan was probably very disappointed in me. I silently promised to offer him something special later and I headed to breakfast. I stuffed Max's gift in my pocket and turned on my ipod.

I started nodding my head to the beat of "_Kill me please" _by _"The squirrel hunters". _Max wasn't in the kitchen yet so I crouched in my corner and tried to keep my mind from thinking about all of the horrible things the flock had done to me recently. Gazzy was my main tormentor. He ran by wearing my makeup and laughing.

My eyes watered and started to spill over. Thank Satan I wasn't wearing my make up. I felt my soul start to cry with me and I couldn't suppress my hatred for the child any longer.

"Dammit Gazzy!" I yelled as I ran to my room. I dropped Max's present but my soul was in so much pain and I didn't want anyone to witness my angst. I buried my head in my pillow and cried myself to sleep.

I woke up feeling more tired then before but I couldn't go back to my dreaming because Max stood before me and she looked pissed. She pushed me off my bed and I fell to the floor hard. It was going to leave a mark. Awesome. I stood up and relished the pain in my leg. I haven't been able to cut myself in days since Max took my razors so I was taking any pain I could get.

"Fang, what is this?" Max held up my peace necklace. An almost invisible smile appeared on my face but as I was opening my mouth, Max kicked me in the stomach.

Now there is one little problem here. I love Max, but she's rejected me so many times I've lost all hope for us. My new existence has so much more meaning. Not only does Satan except me(unlike Max), but he also wants me to join him at his side for eternity. Thats almost as good as being with Max.

So you could see why I couldn't just hit her back. Especially when she started crying. I can't handle crying people. Just myself. Thank Satan, Angel and Nudge ran in at that second. Unfortunately, they started yelling at me for making Max cry. Then I started crying because I would never make Max cry, I _love_ her.

Then Angel read my mind and realized I would never make Max cry. She proceeded to pull Max and Nudge out of the room and I fell into the fetal position on my bed. My heart didn't stop hurting for like an hour though. It felt like it was slowly burning and the ashes were in Max's hands.

Iggy came in a while later and brought me food. After I finished scarfing down what he brought me, I noticed he left me a small envelope. Inside was a razor. I loved Iggy. Until I remembered how much I normally hated him. I looked down at the beautiful razor that now lay in my hands and rolled up my sleeve with a smile.


	3. Chapter 3

**Fangs Diary**

Day 5:

I have a corner. All of the lights are turned away from it so it is nearly pitch black. I sit there sometimes when I'm especially depressed to contemplate my inevitable demise. I couldn't possibly survive through the pain Max inflicted upon me daily with her mere presence. Today I sat there and thought about a lot of things. I don't remember all of my morbid thoughts because of an unforeseen incident, but we'll get to that later. I'm writing this diary to tell someone about what I was thinking so I've decided to tell you a few thoughts that ran through my head as I was crouched in my secluded corner, Eleanor. By the way, thats your name diary. So hear it goes.

Where's Max? I want to see her face. No you don't, that will only make things worse. Yeah...I sighed to myself. But she was just so cute. I felt my heart rip as her face came to my mind. And so were her jeans. I looked down at my legs. Max's jeans just looked so yummy on me. Even if they cut off the circulation in my legs, I kind of liked the feeling. I just had to keep her from finding out about my thieving... I'd already heard her complaining. I immediately thought of Gazzy and groaned. He would rat me out for sure if he discovered my unthinkable deeds.

Speak of the devil. His scream suddenly penetrated my corner of pain and solitude. I didn't want to see or hear _Him_.

"Max!" He yelled at the top of his lungs. "Fang groaned from his corner." I was surrounded by the flock in seconds. They were all entirely convinced I was suicidal, but I didn't want to die. Not until I was sure Satan would accept me. And Max wouldn't. Max slammed a book on my head hard giving me a substantial bump. Most of my thoughts jumbled up and disappeared in the blink of an eye. The ones above are the few I remember. So anyway, I jumped up and stared down at them with rage in my eyes but I can't remember why. Maybe it was BEING HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A BOOK!

Unfortunately, as Max was checking me for wounds and open sores, she noticed my jeans. Then she started yelling at me for some reason.

"What the hell, Fang! We are going out and getting you clothes now so you can get out of my jeans! And if I ever find you in my jeans again, Your makeup will simultaneously disappear!" She yelled before storming off. She had a cute butt... I cowered back into my corner terrified, once Max was out of sight. I hated public spaced. I didn't want all of those freaks looking at me. I would have to make a run for it, But before it could even stand Nudge and Gazzy were at my sides hauling me towards the dreaded car that was parked outside.

I kicked and screamed and cried until I could taste my mascara mixing with my black lipstick but they refused to let go of me. They tied me up in the car and gagged me so I wouldn't attract attention. I actually kind of liked it but don't tell anyone, okay Eleanor? Good. So, once we arrived at the mall my anxiety and fear evaporated into thin air as everyone else's suddenly appeared. I did the following things. I will now proceed to list them below:

There is a store called Spencers, where they sell dog collar necklaces and other...interesting things. I bought one. Max does not approve of Spencers for some reason.

I sobbed as she dragged me out by my brand new combat boots.

A lot of people stared at me. I yelled at them and ran into Vicctoria's Secret where I fixed my makeup.

I bought a pretzel. I put it in Iggy's man purse. Max yelled. Iggy remained blissfully unaware for several minutes. I was almost happy for a moment.

My heart felt constricted as I witnessed the caged animals trapped in the pet store. The exotic pet store. I set them free. People ran and screamed. I didn't notice until Max pointed it out. There were always voices screaming in my head. As I stepped over a crocodile, Max yelled some more.

I attacked the train ride that resided in the center of the food court and screamed at the children that were still on the ride for no apparent reason.

I snuck chip, my best squirrel friend until his "untimely" death, into an old womans purse when she wasn't looking.

I ran into the theater and yelled the endings to the movies I had seen.

I set off a series of explosions, with Gazzy's supervision, in the food court after giving about half of the people a chance to file out.

We were all banned from the mall for life.

I don't exactly know why I did all of those things but when we returned home, I told Max that Satan had commanded me to do it all. She sighed heavily and shuffled back to her room. At the nightly ritual, I offered Satan extra blood as an apology for blaming him for my behavior. He accepted it gladly.

I never got my jeans.


	4. Chapter 4

**Fang's diary**

Day 6:

I'm useless and worthless. I can't do anything right. I have no talent what-so-ever and all I know how to do is mope. This was all I could think about as I ate my poptart this morning. This was all I could think about because Gazzy woke me up this morning, to tell me these things. Then I realized something. I did have a talent.

I am amazing at annoying people.

So after breakfast I set out to achieve my new daily goal: Make everyone else's life a living hell. Isn't that a great Idea? Your right, it's brilliant, Eleanor. I've decided that if I must reside in this personal hell which crushes my soul more each day, then so must all of my tormentors.

As I sat in my stool eating my poptart and examining my polished black nails, I heard a scream and almost smiled. Satan would be pleased with my recent deeds. Max stormed in and shoved me from my stool, making Gazzy burst out in laughter.

I lunged at him, determined to tear him to shreds with my last razor, and offer his organs to my savior, Satan, but the Witch that is Max grabbed at my shirt and pulled me to the floor.

Maybe If I started working out I could be as strong as max. Then I could hurt Gazzy. I could hurt him really bad and send his body and soul to hell for eternity. However, just as I began plotting his demise, max shoved a puppet in my face.

A squirrel puppet. I was so happy I almost smiled. Then I realized that Max didn't like my gift. Thats why she was upset. I felt my eyes water. Why didn't she like any of my gifts. Satan loved the things I sent him, why couldn't Max.

My eyes began to spill over at a sudden thought crossed my mind. That one thought cast my shriveled up heart into the depths of hell and it sent my soul over the edge of complete despair.

_Max hates me. _

My tears gushed uncontrolled as my freshly applied makeup dripped down my face along with them. I cried harder but all I received in return was laughter from that damned Gazzy.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. It was nudge, she looked sad. I was hoping Max would be wearing the same expression on her beautiful face but she only looked tired. Then I couldn't even see through my endless tears.

I shot into my room and snatched my rope from beneath my covers. Your probably wondering how I have rope when Max doesn't even let me use floss. Well, it turns out, that squirrel hair is ideal for the weaving of ropes. In the middle of the night when I can't sleep I work on it.

Last night I got it to 10 ft. I decided I couldn't wait any longer so I tied one end to the ceiling fan and made a noose with the other end. I stepped onto my bed, slipped on my noose and looked down. My bed Is pretty high since I have the top bunk.

And again, in case your wondering how I plan on hanging myself if I have wings, I have an answer for you. Since they are folded below layers of black clothing, even if they try to break free to save me at the last moment, they wouldn't be strong enough to rip through.

And on that last morbid note, I closed my eyes, feeling a little bit of hope, and stepped off my bed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Fang's diary**

Day 7:

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Maybe I should have been more careful..." Gazzy...maybe.

"...be fine." I couldn't catch it all but that was definitely Max's sweet, angelic voice. I tried to open my eyes to see her but the I just thought of my heart. I could smell the hospital I was in. The clean smell was burning my nose, not that I didn't love it. But that meant that my heart was in very poor condition and it probably wouldn't be able to take much more pain.

I thought of Satan then, and how he probably wanted me to be strong for when I joined himat his side one day. So I embraced the fuzziness that was inn the back of my head and drifted off, back to sleep.

I'm not sure if I should tell you this but I had a dream, Eleanor. Well it was more of a nightmare really. My heart and head still throb at the mere thought of it.

I was on one of those corny Tunnel of Love rides. There were twinkling lights that reflected on the water and violin music was playing in the background. I was sitting in a pink swan that smelled like sweet roses but I couldn't help but think that some thing was missing. Then in the blink of an eye, Max was sitting to my left looking drop dead gorgeous in a little black dress.

P.s. I didn't know it but Max has, like, actual boobs. Or maybe it was just in my dream but don't tell Max I said that. She'll think i'm a pig. So anyway my heart felt okay for the first time since max shot me down for the last time.

Then I saw that perfect smile fall from her face to form a frown. I turned and saw Lucifer beside me, to my right. I've decided to call him Lucifer instead of Satan. But he was beautiful. I'm not gay or anything, but he was just unreal. His entire being just gave off the impression of pure beauty. I couldn't look away.

And when he spoke I was even more enchanted then before. His voice sounded like an angel's singing. I wanted to sit and listen to him forever. Then his words sunk in.

"Fang, you must choose. You can be accepted at my side or rejected countless more times by her." he extended a flawless hand toward me. I turned back to Max reluctantly only to find a look of scorn on her face. I found myself grabbing hold of his hand and turning from Max.

"Good choice," he said, awarding me with a dazzling smile. I hardly noticed as he jumped from the boat pulling me into the water with him. My lungs seized as we went deeper and I wished I had chosen Max. She was my love. As the water entered my lungs, I gasped for air and awoke in my hospital bed.

Max's face was inches from mine, making my heart move from 0 to 60 in a second. She didn't even realize the effect she had on me. She sighed happily and I shivered as her warm breath hit my face. She moved way, thank Lucifer, and sat beside my bed.

"Why am I here?" I mumbled after I found my voice. Max spoke up. The est of the flock wa asleep on the couch. Somehow their twisted bodies didn't fall off.

"Well when you tried to hang your self like an idiot, Angel heard your mind and spike up. We all ran in but some how Gazzy got to you first. He cut the rope but you hit your head on floor and I think that knocked you out. We tried to intervene but Gazzy was convinced it was all his fault that you had tried to commit suicide and he wanted to help. He carried you outside so we could fly you to a hospital, but the porch steps tripped him up and he dropped you. You rolled down the steps and into the street but I got you before this nondescript, white van was able to make you road kill."

I was suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to squeeze Gazzy's neck until his head popped off. I tried to sit up but every thing hurt. I tried to enjoy the pain that resonated from every part of my body but all I could think about were the two small hands pressing down on my chest. Max's hands.

They were so warm and I was sure she could fell my heart beating a mile a minute. She gently pushed me down, not noticing my erratic heart beat beneath her palm. I resisted, ignoring the pain, so she would keep her hand where it was but she finally pulled away when she noticed the insane beeping sounds coming from my monitor.

The doctor rushed in at that moment to "assess my condition" now that I was conscious. He said I only had a few cuts and bruises, thanks to my remarkable healing, and that I could go when I was ready. Then he started talking about a study he wanted to do on us so Max shut him up.

Iggy helped me get dressed and then he helped me to the car. Gazzy didn't say a single word the entire time. My heart actually felt like it was healing. Until I saw max give some guy her number just 'cuz he had muscles, and a motorcycle. I could have muscles and a motorcycle if I wanted.

The car ride was silent except for Angel's snores as she dozed on my lap. When we got home, Iggy helped me up the steps. Inside, when I saw what the flock had done, I almost screamed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Fang's diary**

Day 8:

My legs felt like jell-o. I literally couldn't feel them, which is why it didn't surprise me when I collapsed. It did, however, hurt. A lot. So there I was on the floor, on the verge of tears, and in serious pain. The pain helped to dry my my eyes, saving the eyeliner I was able to apply this morning.

I looked up at the Witch that stood before me and I wanted to burn her. Obviously they thought I would be happy about this, but I wasn't. I was pissed.

I scanned the house again and, from what I could see, it was all baby proofed. Every sharp edge on every piece of furniture was covered by soft Styrofoam. The drawers in the kitchen that contained shat objects were padlocked. I assumed everyone knew the combination but me.

Later I found that inside my room, all I had were my harmless clothes in cardboard boxes and a mattress. It was bare except for a folded up blanket and a small pillow. And worst of all, my walk in closet was locked shut. The vials of blood that I had painstakingly collected were unreachable, and so were my leeches.

I had failed Lucifer. He didn't deserve a useless, moronic, follower like me.

I was forced to eat lunch with the flock and they all treated me like a child. All of them except Angel. She didn't look at me funny, or judge me with her eyes. She accepted me. Sure, she ratted me out whenever I tried to hurt myself, but that was because she cared.

At lunch Gazzy didn't say a word and Nudge wouldn't shut up about the time she tried to kill herself(I'll explain later). Iggy was playing Marco, Polo by himself. Angel was plotting a way to get me some eyeliner and Max was watching me like a hawk the entire time, although I don't know what she expected.

I was given a sippy cup of milk, a paper plate with chicken and rice, and a plastic fork. They gave me a plastic knife too, but the sharp edges were purposely sanded down so it was flat. I couldn't cut butter with it. So I snapped it and threw it at the Witch. She didn't like that.

She threw me into my room, rather roughly and locked the door from the outside. That was new. It felt like I was in prison so I hatched a plan. When I heard the television go on I snuck over to my window.

I have a window that I sneak out of late at night when I feel like hunting for arts and crafts supplies. It has been getting harder and harder to get the squirrels. They know I'm hunting for them, and they hide. but it is a useless effort. They can run but I always follow.

Anyway, I snuck out my window and headed into the forest. It was dark and I couldn't see well so, naturally, I fell a few times. But every scrape my body got, only made me more determined. I was going to find a sacrifice for Lucifer. I had to.

It was immediately after that thought when I stumbled upon a baby rabbit. A large branch had fallen on its foot and it appeared to be stuck. I knelt beside the creature as it noticed me. It stared up at me with huge blue eyes, begging to be set free.

And suddenly, I felt his pain. I was just like him. We were both in excruciating pain but neither of us could escape it. We both had things weighing us down, making it worse. I felt more connected to this animal then I had ever felt to any human. Except Max, of coarse, but she denies our connection each and every day.

I lifted the poor rabbit from his trap and pulled him into a hug. I loved him. Then before I could change my mind, I snapped his neck. All he wanted was to be put out of his misery just like me. He would thank me for it later.

I carried Roger the Rabbit, thats what I named him, to a clearing. I placed him in the center of it and began chanting Lucifer's prayers. I got caught up in the moment and when I opened my eyes, the sky was no longer pitch black. It was beginning to lighten.

After saying goodbye to Roger for the last time I flew home exhausted and teary eyed at the loss of my best friend ever. I will never love again, I vowed to myself. Except Max, of coarse, but she denies our love like it would kill her if she even considered giving it a chance.

I flew through the window and landed on my mattress feeling my eyes close the second my head hit the pillow.

Then my alarm went off and Iggy decided to wake me up. Creatively.


	7. Chapter 7

Fang's Diary

Day 9:

My mind blowingly terrible day began with Iggy and Nudge. My alarm woke me after only a moment of sleep, to Iggy's face only inches from mine. He, however, decided not to acknowledge my awakeness.

He proceeded to stab me repeatedly with a stick. It was pointy and I relished the dull pain, knowing that I wouldn't be allowed any more relief. It took Iggy about five minutes to realize my rare content until he stopped.

The slow shadow of misery then descended upon me once again as if I were only a baby rabbit, much like roger, and it was a sly fox. Inescapable and unavoidable in the forest of endless pain and suffering.

I cried for my lost best friend as Iggy gazed on, but felt a small comfort at the thought that I was able to send him down to hell ahead of me. Roger was so lucky.

Nudge then trudged in, interrupting my thoughts that would have no doubt led to my next suicide attempt. I say attempt because my chances of killing myself in this damned house are so slim it make my soul shrivel up just a little.

And while I'm on the topic of Nudge I might as well tell you about her ''suicide attempt.'' I will be brief only because this diary was made to outline my miserable, dark life. I'll not linger on Nudge, El (thats your new nickname.)

So Nudge had decided about a week ago, when I made the witch cry, that this world would be better off without me. Did I mention how much I love her? But when she realized that I would only enjoy the sweet relief of Death's embrace she decided to kill everyone but me, leaving myself to suffer alone.

Then it occurred to Nudge that killing others is wrong without their permission. I was the only one to give it, and she didn't even ask me. That was how she came upon her final decision.

Nudge was going to kill herself and blame me in her note, in the hopes that it would 'bring me back to reality', whatever that means, and shock me to normalcy.

She did not anticipate Angel hearing her every thought. So, Angel being the incredible little person that she is, offered Nudge her assistance. And a plan.

Drink cyanide. Instant, painless, death. But Angel gave her fruit punch instead and when she didn't die, Nudge gave up, secretly relieved.

Max yelled at me.

She said I would be a terrible father and a worse boyfriend.

I cried.

Now I'm going to prove her wrong by winning her over as a girlfriend, and giving her babies. Then I would be the best father ever.

Maybe.

But my first mission was to get rid of Nudge and Iggy who were staring at me like I'm insane. I'm not. My mom told me so. And when I say that, I mean the voice in my head that I pretend is my mom because I have abandonment issues.

"Could one of you bring me breakfast?" I asked with fake cheer that masked the torment pursuing in my fragile, broken heart.

"Of coarse not!" Replied Iggy with his own genuine cheeriness. He threw my own bony form over his shoulder and set me down at the table.

"Good morning, Fang." The witch looked so happy as she nearly sang my name. It _almost_ made me happy. I stared down at my sad little pop tart and wondered if his family missed him.

"You look awful chipper," said Angel. Of course they missed him, he was a beautiful pop tart.

"Yea I have a date with this guy..." My blood ran cold as the freezing pits of hell as I listened intently to the witch, recalling her time at the hospital with muscle, motorcycle guy. A single tear slid from my face.

It fell on my pop tart who missed his family, and it looked like it was crying/ That was the last straw. Those _people_, and I use the term loosely, could break my heart by dating, and make my life hell, and the could even separate a family of struggling pop tarts, but when they make breakfast foods cry, I draw the line.

"You inconsiderate witch!" I yelled at Max as I bolted from the room. It was all too much to handle so I spent the rest of the day in my room fasting as I formulated my most ingenious plan yet.


	8. Chapter 8

Fang's Diary

Day 15:

It was truly incredible that my mind was capable of such heights of imagination. I had to hit myself a few times in punishment for not having thought of it before.

With new found strength that I had acquired over the past week, I felt as if I could accomplish anything but I'm getting ahead of myself again.

For the last week I spent my time cheery and helpful. I didn't moan and cry, yes it was painful, and I didn't inflict any pain on myself where it could be seen.

I acted politely towards everyone and they ignored me, convinced I'd finally snapped and would soon be taking up residence in the local loony bin. But that was far from true.

You can vouch fro me, El. I'm totally sane, right?

Anyways, I started collecting blood from Iggy more frequently, storing it in a new space beneath the floor boards beside my rat skull collection. Then I convince max to take me to the mall so I could buy some less tragic clothes.

They all bought my plan and fell into their roles perfectly. All of them except Angel, well, demon is more like it. She knew I was up to something but didn't know what so she hovered constantly, waiting for me to let my guard down.

At the mall, I didn't scream, make a scene, or frame anyone for the justified murder of Harry Styles. (I mean seriously, who does he think he is making music that bad with a name that gay and a fan base completely made up of moronic girls who wouldn't know music if their lives depended on it.)

The point is that I fought every urge and successfully completed phase one: Purchase clothing with more sex appeal.

The witch didn't even ask to see any of it. I felt a small burst of joy at the thought that she trusted me but the darkness quickly overcame it when another thought consumed my mind. She doesn't care.

Phase 2: Get rid of him.

When the witch's date came, I knew I had to get rid of that tool somehow so I devised another plan. I headed into the forest and stood in the center of what I called, the field of resurrection.

"Come to me my dead companions. The power of Satan, almighty ruler compels you to draw yourselves near and do my bidding." I closed the text I read from and sat, awaiting my minions. I waited for hours in the cold forest, losing hope in my master.

Slowly, however, my minions came forth, bringing a startled gasp from my lips. They were beautiful. Dismembered, bloody, scraped up pieces of birds, squirrels, raccoons, deer and so much more appeared before me and a feeling of power like nothing else swept through me.

"Yes, yes." I choked out as hysterical laughter forced its way past my lips, echoing into the woods loudly. No I'm not insane. "Bring me the boy. Josh Lane is his name. Stealing girls, his game. Take him to the depth of hell and let him never return!"

They let out a blood curdling screech before disappearing into the night.

Then, yesterday, I found max crying. She was in her room but I heard her sobs from the kitchen where I was debating whether it would be okay if I stuck my fork in the toaster for just a moment.

"Max?" I asked gently. I didn't have to fake concern for her, my love was ever burning like a torch of eternal passions...or something."Are you okay?"

"No..." Sniffle. "I got stood up." Sniffle sniffle. "Aren't I pretty enough?"

"Of course," I reassured her as I pulled her into a hug. I couldn't hold back my smile after her news and the feel of her body against mine. It was as if I was already in hell, the inferno keeping me forever warm.

"Liar."

"I don't lie." Well that was a lie...Don't tell, El.

"Suuuure."

"Seriously, I would never lie to you, Max." Except for that last one...promise.

"Then tell me something, and be honest. Could anyone ever love me?" Sh looked up at me through her impossibly beautiful brown eyes.

"I do."


	9. Chapter 9

Fang's Diary

Day 16:

Now, El, you and I both know that I am a man of impeccable morals and would never dream of violating them under normal conditions, but damn it all!

I've never in my life met a more discourteous, mentally and physically abusive woman. I'm gonna go ahead and tell you what happened but don't interrupt, okay?

*Flash back to day 15*

"Dammit Fang, don't lie to me! I can't deal with your bullshit right now!"

"But I'm ser-" My pleads were cut off my max slapping me full force.

"Don't you dare play with my emotions," she yelled. After pulling away she tried to storm out but I refused to give up. My plan had to work.

I grabbed her arms and pulled her into my arms, unwilling as she was. Then I kissed her. I kissed the crap out of that girl and right when she started kissing me back I pulled away against my better judgment.

Stupid as it sounded, I didn't want her to accuse me of taking advantage of her. And I wanted her to suffer.

I created a new plan the moment she kissed me back. I was going to have her beg for me the way I once begged for her. Then we could work everything else out.

"I don't want his left overs, but I do want you." Then I left her alone.

*Back to today*

Thats how I decided that I'm going to change myself once more and my new plan will be full proof because now I know that Max, however deep down they are, has some feelings for me and I can use that to my glorious advantage.

So, this morning when I woke up, after cursing up a storm, I stood at my mirror and tallied up my physical attributes.

Dreamy black flippy hair

smoldering eyes

full lips

chiseled jaw

And newly discovered abs

After that I fond ways to accentuate my inner sexy. No other way to get a girl like Max then to be the best.

I pulled on a tight whit t-shirt that showed off my previously undiscovered package and grabbed tighter skinny jeans that also showed off my package, wink wink. Then I dug up my leather jacket and snuck out of the house to make one last minor alteration.

I bought a motorcycle.

It was a sleek black and silver Harley that made me feel almost happy. The true happiness came when I began imagining the look on Max's face.

When I pulled up in front of the house, Angel and Gazzy were playing hopscotch on the sidewalk and Iggy was crying in the grass, but they couldn't hold my attention.

Not even Angel could distract me by muttering, "It's about damn time," as I walked up the porch in my chained combat boots.

Max would finally grovel at my feet.

Max opened the door for me before I could knock, and, after checking me out quite obviously, she headed to my bike and examined it carefully.

"I'll see you guys later I have a date," was all she said before jumping on my bike and riding off.

I know, I was thinking the same thing!

That bunny by Iggy looked just like Roger...It needed to die...

Also, what the fuck, Max?


End file.
